An accountant visited the Natural History museum. While standing near the dinosaur he said to his neighbor: “This dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old”.
“Where did you get this exact information?”
“I was here ten months ago, and the guide told me that the dinosaur is two billion years old.”

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Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?”

to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”

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A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical exam. The doctor said, “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”

The patient asked, “Oh doctor, what should I do?”

The doctor replied, “Marry an accountant.”

“Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient.

“No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”